I’ve been neglecting my blog. The last post I made took a lot out of me and I used it as an excuse to avoid writing. The funny part is once I sit down, it’s generally not that difficult to get at least a few sentences down. For some reason, there was a mental and emotional block that kept me from my computer. Now that I’m sitting here behind it, it feels almost silly to have put it off for so long. While I was successfully neglecting this blog, I was also neglecting another blog that I had under a pen name. I decided to refrain from paying for the yearly domain and ultimately, it no longer exists. While I have the bodies of work saved, I am no longer sharing it with the world. When I got the email confirmation that it was no longer active, I felt both relief and defeat. My complicated feelings also led to a bit of a realization.
What I am getting at with all of this is that it’s okay for a project to fail. I think so many of us refuse to start something because we don’t believe it will work out. On a side note, I also think that many of us refuse to start something because we are worried it will succeed. Regardless, failure is such a harsh word, especially as an adult. It’s okay to start a new hobby or project and not see it through right away. Life is busy and expensive, time-consuming, and exhausting. Your worth is not based on how productive you are every day. It’s very possible to have a strong work ethic and also have days where you do absolutely nothing. Our society is inherently focused on how successful everyone is but has questionable ways of gauging what’s considered successful in the first place.
We get a rush of serotonin when we find something interesting enough to occupy our time and energy. For me, it could be anything from a new book about spirituality or learning how to sew. Like any other hobby, person, or song, the newness wears off. For those like me who feel emotions extra heavily, excitement seems to fade even quicker at times. I start off feeling so accomplished before having completed anything and by the time it comes to actual finish something, I flake. I am one to get overly excited so I am not sure if it’s due to going from 0-100 too fast or if it’s based on my attention span. When it comes to something I am truly interested in, I wonder if my fear of becoming successful at it deters me from continuing. I guess the truth is, that the reasoning behind the “failure” or “quitting” doesn’t matter.
I am not going to sit here and say that I condone quitting or refusing to follow through on everything/anything. If it’s something that is keeping you from doing things that are a necessity in life; like forming healthy relationships or paying your bills, it’s a matter of concern. On the other hand, it’s perfectly healthy to put something down and pick it back up when you feel inspired. For someone who likes things done right away, this is not an easy concept for me to grasp.
My mom says that I need to have an emotional connection or true purpose when doing things. As much as I’d like to deny it, it immediately makes me think back to when I was younger. Whether I was in elementary school or college, I was terrible at making arts and crafts “just because.” I had to have a specific reason or use for making something. Outside of doodling in class, I got no enjoyment from drawing a picture “because I felt like it.” I even cringed at the idea of filling in a coloring book if I didn’t have a place to hang my finished product. Cut to now as a fully-fledged adult (or so they tell me), I am still learning how to try.
I have to regularly tell myself that it’s okay to try something out. I can get super into spirituality without opening up a metaphysical shop. I can learn how to sew without opening up my own online store. I can make silly videos because I feel like it and not as an attempt to become the next viral sensation. It’s not a requirement that we see everything to the end; whether that’s making a career out of it or turning it into monetary value. If you started something new and it became so overwhelming that you never picked it up again, it’s perfectly normal. If you started a new hobby and neglected it for years while you took care of your children, there’s nothing to be ashamed about. If you decided that you wanted to be a successful writer and you realized you’re not cut out for something that serious, it doesn’t make you a failure.
It’s okay to try. In life, sometimes succeeding is trying it in the first place. You’re not a loser or failure because you got excited about something and didn’t become a professional at it. It’s acceptable to pick up hobbies, neglect them for weeks, months, or years, and then pick it back up when you feel a spark of inspiration. It’s not always about how many things you finish or succeed in, it’s about your willingness to try them in the first place. It’s about your bravery to suck at something new. It’s about taking the seriousness out of the word failure. Allow yourself to dabble in the hobbies and interests that give you that (safe) serotonin rush; like eating dessert first.