Beyond the Jungle Gym
Making friends as a child never seemed to be that difficult. You’re in a constant rotation of teachers and children which forces you to socialize with people that you may have never talked to otherwise. It’s especially easy when you’re on a playground or in a lunchroom where something as simple as a “Hello” or “Is that a fruit roll-up?” can lead you to your new best friend. It’s almost impossible not to form a bond with the kids around you, especially since there’s still innocence left before life hits you like a slap in the face.
The problem is that each year that you get closer to adulthood, life becomes increasingly complicated. You start learning to identify your emotions and care what others think of you. Your identity evolves and you start finding out who you should be spending time with. Whether or not you listen to your instinct on that is a whole other hurdle in itself. Some of us are lucky to have lifelong friends that we grow up with. For others, it takes a lot of searching to find our chosen family.
Pandemic Pandemonium
The world shutting down forced many of us to take our relationships to the internet. One silver lining was that the lockdowns and job lay-offs allowed people time to connect with family and friends who lived miles away. On the contrary, it made it difficult to connect with strangers; or as I like to call them, “friends we haven’t met yet.” The fear of the unknown had even the most social people inside, whether it was by choice or by a mandate. For those who continued to work, many of the companies had to adapt and change their working environment from an office to work-at-home.
While things are much more and less catastrophic, many of us have grown to appreciate solitude. Getting ourselves ready in order to socialize seems like much more of a daunting task than something to look forward to. Nowadays, so many companies have opted for hybrid schedules or continue the telework structure in order to save money and prepare, should we have to survive another pandemic.
“Hello, I’m Probably Anxious”
Around a quarter of Americans ages 18 and up battle some sort of mental disorder. While many of us may be high-functioning, it in no way makes meeting friends any easier. I myself, live with a number of ailments that make socializing a frustrating process at all times. I’m the type of person who can sit and talk your ear off for days if we vibe or have similar interests. At the same time, if my damn anxiety starts to creep in or I’m warding off a panic attack, being around unfamiliar people is my kryptonite. A mental disorder is something that can be well managed and still keep you from activities that you love and enjoy. For many of us, it’s a lifelong journey that distances ourselves from other people, whether we like it or not.
Ballin’ on a Budget
Life is fucking expensive. It doesn’t matter if you are single with no pets or you’re a mother of 5 with a farm’s worth of animals running around. Existing seems to get progressively more taxing as time goes on (pun intended). All of a sudden, ordering water has a fee and you can literally pay to inhale oxygen for fun. It’s out of control. Now, I won’t get into the politics and conspiracy theories behind the cost of living because frankly, I don’t care to use my energy to research or discuss stuff like that. Regardless of the reasoning behind it all, I do know that my little brother was pissed when Arizona teas went above 99¢.
I think a lot of us humans would agree that we’d all like to skip the getting-to-know-you phase of a friendship (and in dating, am I right?). However, it’d be a bit weird to go from “nice to meet you,” to “wanna have a sleepover in our onesies and get wine drunk while having a cuddle puddle with my Squishmallows?” I generally get to know someone before I tell them I’m pushing 31 and share my bed with a teddy bear. The phrase, “At least buy me dinner first” is there for good reason. Outside of the music festival scene, it’s pretty common to go out and do fun things to see if you mesh well with a person. The unfortunate part of this is that shit adds up quickly. Dinners, movies, amusement parks, and concerts are all fun and games until you wake up the next day to an overdrawn checking account and a memento from an evening with someone you’re not sure you even like. Frankly, I think I might start FaceTiming people before I spend my hard-earned money on a vibe check.
“Do You Wanna Play Mermaids?”
In summary, it’s not impossible to make friends as an adult. We will always be faced with obstacles that we have to overcome if we want something to change in our lives. It’s not an easy feat to meet people in this day and age and that’s okay. I think that makes quality friendships all the more worth it. It’s never easy to let your guard down and be vulnerable enough for someone to connect with you. I truly believe that everyone should let their “freak flag fly” as often as possible and those that are on the same vibration will find you, one way or another. While it may feel like it at times, we are not completely doomed. We may have many failed friendships or “vibe checks” but it only takes one amazing friend to change your life. Don’t give up. Ultimately, we will all find someone to play mermaids with and invite out to eat dessert first.